Relationships, Dating, and the Consideration and Intention Before Committing
The deepest sense of security may never come simply from a man "always pursuing" me in the sense of constant romantic attention. Instead, it comes from experiencing, over time, that his commitment is active, consistent, and self-directed—that he continues to choose our relationship and physically show up even while I am busy living my own life.
That distinction matters to me because I have never wanted a relationship in which my entire identity revolves around a man. I have my writing, my books, my music, my fashion, my health, my brand, my family, and my own ambitions. I want to be able to disappear into my creative work for a while, pursue my hobbies, travel, and continue building my own world without wondering whether my relationship is quietly disappearing in the background. The security I am describing is the quiet confidence of knowing that while I am fully immersed in living my life, the man I have chosen is still intentionally building the relationship alongside me.
For me, pursuit represents something much deeper than romance. It represents continuity. It says, "I am here. I am never leaving. I will never be confused between choosing you and another. You Annick are literally the only woman I am attracted to that I could ever see myself with. I still choose you every day, every season, every year, without a single doubt. I am still thinking about ways to communicate with you best in building our future together because your input matters. I am not waiting for you to carry this relationship because that would not make me feel like a man. I am actively participating in creating the conditions in which it can thrive with you at my side."
When that becomes consistent, I no longer have to spend my energy monitoring the relationship. I can relax into my own life because I trust that our relationship has its own momentum.
That becomes particularly interesting because I live on a remote island. A large part of me even feels to spend time meditating on a new world that I am capable of building for me without anyone else because I like the way I shop for items that make sense to me for my world.
I view relationships from the perspective of someone who is geographically grounded. I know where I am. I know the environment I live in. I understand both the limitations and the advantages of island life. I can imagine what it would mean for a man to enter my world because I know my own world intimately.
What I cannot see—at least not yet—is his world.
I cannot know what his life looks like when I am not there. I cannot know what he has already built, what he is unwilling to change, what he is willing to change, or whether his vision of partnership genuinely includes creating a new world that has room for me. The longer it takes somewhat I feel that when I create my new routines and flow, I find it annoying to have to switch things up unnecessarily and it would not be as fun later down the line. I do feel like observing my next 2-3 years on my own then in pushing myself to further goal completion excellence seems like a more plausible position as I find it unattractive to waste time.
That is where my question becomes much more profound.
What I am really asking is this: If I am already deeply rooted in one place, what does it actually look like when a man genuinely pursues me across that distance?
Is it that I get rooted for a few years, complete a bunch of projects and then look up again and see what the world is doing?
The question is no longer simply, Will he visit? Will he show up for the holidays?
It is not, Will he text?
It is not even, Does he find me attractive?
The real question is: What is he actually building toward? Do I even care? Is it even worth my time or effort? Does this fill up my cup or drain me? Does this bring me calm, health and reassurance or torture? Because I am not interested in the latter for entertainment purposes.
A man can pursue a woman romantically without ever intending to build a life with her. He can enjoy the excitement of distance, the fantasy of travel, the chemistry of visits, and the novelty of someone who lives somewhere beautiful but still never show up. None of those things necessarily indicate that he has intentionally created a place for her in his future, especially if he lacks skills to take any real action.
The kind of pursuit I am describing that is attractive to me is much more substantial. It is the pursuit that eventually becomes integration.
It moves from, "I want to see you," to, "I want to understand your life. I would like to visit you. I would like to spend time together. I would like to travel together. I would like to sync up calendars yearly"
From, "I miss you," to, "How can we make this sustainable?"
From, "I love visiting your island," to, "What would it actually mean for us to build a life that includes this island?"
From, "I want you," to, "I have seriously considered what it would require to make you part of my life."
That is where I think living on a remote island becomes an unexpected advantage.
I do not believe I need to leave my life immediately to prove that I am serious about a relationship. Instead, I can allow a man's behaviour to reveal his intentions. If he is genuinely pursuing me, he will naturally demonstrate creativity, consistency, planning, and a willingness to bridge the distance. He will show me that he is not simply waiting for me to make everything easy. He will show me that he is not embarrasing me by positioning me as an option in his life while dating women across the world. Instead, he will make it clear that he chooses me fully and that there are not other options worth his focus, time, presence, space or energy.
At the same time, I would be careful not to turn this into a test where a man must completely reorganize his life before we have even built a relationship. The healthiest version of partnership is not, "I sit here while he constructs an entire world around me." It is, "I have built a life I value, he has built a life he values, and together we intentionally create a sync for the two to become one space where our two lives can meet while having personal worlds that we can take turns visiting."
That new dually created space is the monogamous, private relationship itself.
Perhaps this is what I mean when I say I could happily sit smiling inside the life we create together. I am not asking a man to hand me a finished life. I am saying that if a man possesses the next 5-10 year perspective , can smartly allocate the resources, and apply the genuine desire to build something purposeful that intentionally accommodates him and I to become an us, I would feel deeply secure allowing myself to receive it.
There is something profoundly meaningful about being able to receive steady love without constantly feeling as though I have to fight for the relationship especially when fighting to me is a waste of energy.
I have spent much of my life becoming self-sufficient through some of the hardest times the world has seen. I have built myself professionally. I have invested in my appearance, my health, and my education. I have created my own creative world. I have developed my own voice. I have learned how to generate opportunities and build a meaningful life from within myself. Wasting time or being blindsided by manipulations is not anything I would be signing up for in this lifetime.
Perhaps what I crave now is not another situation where I have to prove that I can build everything alone.
Perhaps I simply want to know what it feels like to be deeply considered.
To have him communicate through his actions and presence in my life:
"You do not have to carry this alone. No more Cruel Summers alone, No more Cold Christmas Alone, Holiday alone, I have thought about you, I will be there. I have planned for you. I have made room for you. I will never leave. Let me show you and prove to you every day that this is real and true, that you belong with me and that I belong with you."